30 things to do in a long distance relationship — beyond Netflix and FaceTime

There’s a difference between daily rituals (the small things that keep a relationship from going stale), date ideas (the scheduled hour or two together), and what we’d call things to do together — bigger projects that span weeks or months and give the relationship a sense of building toward something.

A relationship that’s only daily rituals is alive but stationary. The couples whose long distance feels generative tend to have one or two ongoing things they’re doing — a class they’re taking, a project they’re making, a place they’re saving for, a long book they’re slowly working through.

Below: thirty of them. Most don’t take much money. None require both of you to install the same app. The criterion for inclusion was: would this still be a good idea if you lived together? If yes, it’s on the list. If it’s only an LDR-coping mechanism, it’s not.

Make something together

The single most underrated category. If you finish anything together over a year, the thing becomes a small monument to the period.

1. Co-write a zine

Pick a topic — your favorite obscure recipes, a year of one-paragraph travel memories, a literal interview you both do with each other. Use Canva or Affinity Publisher. Print 50 copies via Mixam for ~$80. Mail them to friends.

2. Record a podcast just for you two

Forty-minute episodes, weekly or biweekly. No audience. Talk about a book you both read, a movie you watched, a question you’d never asked. Save the files. A year later you have 50 hours of yourselves having real conversations during the long distance period.

3. Build a small website together

Buy a domain ($12/year), point it at Cloudflare Pages (free), put up a single page that’s just for the two of you. Add to it together over time. Nobody else will see it; that’s the point.

4. Co-write a story or a screenplay

Shared Google Doc. Take turns writing 500 words at a time. No editing each other’s work. Six months in you have a small thing only the two of you have read.

5. Compile a playlist that becomes an album

Each of you adds 1-2 songs a week to a shared Spotify playlist. By month six you have an actual album-length collection. Print the tracklist and frame it for the next anniversary.

6. Do a year-long photo project

Each of you takes one photo a day on the same theme — your dinner, what’s on your desk, the sky out your window — for a year. Compile into a print book via Artifact Uprising ($80) at year-end.

Learn something parallel

You’re each in your own life, learning something at your own pace. The shared progress is the connection.

7. The same language, slow

Both of you start Pimsleur (or Drops, Babbel, whatever) on the same language at the same time. 15 minutes a day. By month three you can have a one-minute conversation. By month six it’s a private language between you.

8. A musical instrument together

Both of you take up the same instrument. Beginner-level guitar via Justin Guitar (free) or piano via Simply Piano (subscription). Practice 10 minutes a day. Once a month, both play the same song over a video call. Nobody is good. That’s fine.

9. The shared cooking curriculum

Pick a cuisine neither of you knows. Work through the same cookbook together at the rate of one recipe per week. Madhur Jaffrey’s Indian Cookery, Marcella Hazan’s Essentials, The Zuni Cafe Cookbook — pick something with depth. By the end you’ll each have learned a real cuisine.

10. A class via Coursera or Domestika

Sign up for the same course. Watch on the same schedule. Meet weekly to discuss. Drawing, photography, philosophy, screenwriting — the topic matters less than the rhythm.

11. The book club of two, but with structure

Different from casually reading the same book. Pick six books for six months — a mix of fiction, nonfiction, poetry. Set monthly discussion calls. Take notes. We’ve watched couples do this for years, and the books they read together become part of their shared vocabulary forever.

12. The certification or course you’d never finish solo

Both enroll in the same online certification — Coursera Specializations, edX, Khan Academy — that one of you has been meaning to do. The accountability of doing it together is what gets it finished.

Plan something specific

Open-ended “we should travel someday” doesn’t move. Specific planning does.

13. Plan an actual trip — and book it

Not “we should go to Lisbon someday.” Pick a specific weekend in 4-6 months. Both spend a Saturday afternoon planning it. By the end of the call, hotels are booked. The countdown to a confirmed trip is psychologically free.

14. The dream apartment exercise

If you’re moving in together eventually: build a shared Pinterest or Notion page of how you’d want the place to look. Furniture you’d buy, paint colors, the kind of light. Update over months. By the time you actually move in, the discussions you’d have in IKEA have already happened.

15. The visa or relocation roadmap

If a permanent move is in your future: dedicate one call a month to actually working through the steps. Visa logistics, savings goals, job timing, the actual literal calendar. Unromantic on paper. The most romantic thing you can do for the future, in practice.

16. The shared fund

Open a joint savings account (Wise, Marcus, whatever) and contribute monthly toward something specific — a trip, an apartment deposit, the move-together fund. The shared deposit is both practical and a vote of commitment.

17. The wedding/elopement spreadsheet (if applicable)

Long distance couples often plan their own weddings remotely. The sooner you start the spreadsheet — venues, guest lists, costs, what you each want — the less stressful the planning becomes. Even just listing every consideration is useful.

Build a body of small shared experiences

Smaller than projects. Bigger than nightly check-ins. The texture of the relationship.

18. The quarterly bucket list

Every three months, both of you write five things you want to do — alone or together — over the next quarter. Compare lists. Plan the things you both want.

19. The annual “year in review” weekend

Once a year, take a long weekend together (in person if possible, virtual if not). Look at your photo albums, your shared documents, your messages. Talk about what worked, what didn’t, what you want next year to be. Most couples never do this. The ones who do are noticeably more aligned.

20. The shared Pinterest board for inspiration

Not a wedding board. A general “things we like” board. Both of you add to it. Six months in, you’ll have an aesthetic in common that’s neither of yours individually.

21. The shared list of “things to do when we’re together”

A note in your phones, edited by both of you. Every restaurant you want to try, every hike, every museum, every neighborhood. When you’re together you don’t have to scramble. When you’re apart you’re building toward.

22. Each picking a song for the other every week

For a year. By the end you have 104 songs they picked specifically for you, ordered by date. Make a final playlist. Frame the cover art.

Take on a small problem together

The pattern that surprises us: couples who pick a project that doesn’t directly benefit the relationship often grow closer than those whose projects are explicitly about being a couple.

23. Volunteer for the same cause, separately

Both pick a cause you care about. Both spend 4 hours a month on it in your own city. Compare notes monthly. The fact that you’re each doing something selfless creates a different kind of mutual respect.

24. Train for the same race

A 5K, a half marathon, whatever fits. Sign up for one in your respective cities, on the same date. Train in parallel. Compare times after.

25. The “save up to do something nice for someone else” fund

Both contribute small amounts monthly. After 6 months, decide together how to spend it — pay for a friend’s flight, donate to a specific person on Kickstarter, fund a shared friend’s birthday gift. Generosity-as-couples-activity is rare and meaningful.

26. The renovation or DIY project — at one of your places

If one of you owns or rents long-term: the other helps remotely with paint colors, furniture decisions, the slow refurbishing of one room. By the time you’re physically together, that room is partly theirs in a real way.

Follow each other into something new

The hardest category. Worth it for the right couples.

27. Try their hobby

You take up the thing they’re already serious about — running, climbing, yoga, baking, whatever. Take it seriously enough that they can talk to you about it. Don’t compete; absorb.

28. The new-thing-together commitment

Pick something neither of you has tried. Pottery class, salsa lessons, mountain biking. Both of you commit to ten sessions in your respective cities. Compare progress.

29. The reading group of two with a strict syllabus

Pick a topic — Existentialism, Russian literature, climate science, whatever — and work through 6 books on it over a year. Take notes. Most relationships never do this. The ones that do come out of it noticeably more interesting to each other.

30. Therapy as a couple, on Zoom

Not because something’s wrong. Because doing the work proactively is one of the most generous things a couple can do. Couples therapy works fine over video; Lasting, Regain, and standalone therapists with telehealth practices all do this. Even six sessions a year — once every two months — pays disproportionate dividends.

How to actually pick

Don’t try to do five of these. Pick one big thing — a project, a class, a trip — and one small thing — a daily or weekly ritual from one of the categories. Commit for three months. See if it earned its place.

The pattern: long distance feels endless when nothing is being built. It feels finite when you’re both actively moving toward a shared something. The shape of “moving together” matters more than the speed.

We’d start with #11 (the structured book club), #13 (a specific trip on the calendar), or #20 (the Pinterest aesthetic board). They have the highest hit-rates of any items on this list.

The thing being built doesn’t have to be impressive. It has to be specific. A small zine you’ll actually finish beats a vague intent to “do something creative together” every time.